Sometimes you get lucky...

Sometimes you get lucky and stumble into your lifelong passion at age 9.

Sometimes you get lucky and that barn your non-horsey parents send you to not only gives you a wonderful start, but introduces you to people who will be important forever.

Sometimes you get lucky and that trainer who made you cry every time he opened his mouth until you were 13 ends up being your mentor, your friend, and your favorite person in the world.

Sometimes you get lucky and the trainer you find at the barn down the street finds you the horse of a lifetime, and sends you down the path to your dream job with the knowledge to do it, and no fear that it won't happen.

Sometimes you get lucky and that random barn that had enough stalls when it was time to move ends up being your home for 15 years.

Sometimes you get lucky and have family members who don't hesitate to help when that horse of a lifetime needs to come home to retire (or teach lessons for another 8 years).

Sometimes you get lucky and that insane, broken mess of a horse in the barn becomes your saving grace when life falls apart.

Sometimes you get lucky and find clients and horses who continue to teach, inspire, and challenge you every day, because you can't leave everything up to luck.

Vacation time!

February is a "barn closed" month. We go hard for the bulk of the year, and without an indoor winter lessons are cancelled more than they're taught, so closing down for a while is the easiest and most efficient way to deal with everything. Horses get some time to chill, and I get a month to have a life.

I will fully admit that I ALWAYS overschedule my time off. I seem to think that despite the fact that I am still working my other job, I will have time for multiple vacations, apartment painting and closet purging, as well as constant playtime with friends and a regular workout schedule.

Shockingly enough, I've managed most of that. I've picked out paint samples, hit the treadmill 2-3x a week, cleaned 2 out of 4 closets, and started the month with a quick run to NC to see Kirsten and Mehdi. I'm headed to my most favorite place on earth this coming weekend, have tickets to see Cinderella, and enough time open to see another show if I so choose.

When I get home on Monday, I have 3 horses to boot camp back into work (although to be fair, Dundy will probably take less time than the mares), manes to pull, and children to get tuned up (in addition to their horses/ponies, who have been on a light schedule as well), and about 7 weeks to do it in.

Let the need for Xanax begin in 5, 4, 3, 2.....

Family History

My mother has recently become obsessed with genealogy. Like, obsessed to the point where I'm pretty sure we're going to have to start only allowing her on the internet for a couple hours at a time before she makes herself blind staring at PDF files of the 1900 census. She's done an amazing amount of work at this point, but beyond the part where we're not as Irish as we thought, it's mostly raised a lot of questions about how we're related to various family members.

The most recent is a man by the name of Darius Bentley, who my mother was given a biography of, but no idea as to how he fits into the family.

I suggested perhaps someone thought he was a family member at some time, and never got around to figuring out if it was true or not.

Kate suggested that he was that generation's George Clooney and he'd been on the cover of Tiger Beat of the 1800s a bunch of times and that's why we had the biography of him.

I'm still waiting to figure out how I'm related to HER.

It's heeerrreeeee....

The beginning of the show season is equal parts awesome and terrifying. Kind of the equivalent of heading up that first hill on a roller coaster, knowing that you're about to drop so hard and fast that your stomach will take up a new location in your mouth. (Probably that's not the best example for someone like me to use. I only ride the little kid coasters, and only when forced, but you get what I'm saying.)

The first show is pretty much just knocking the rust off. Figuring out what we all forgot over the winter break, what the new pairings look like, who I have to have a mock beatdown with because they no longer know what a canter lead is, stuff like that. I'm lucky this year in that I have 3 pairs of kids/horses (or ponies) that are standard issue at this point. We're 3 seasons in, they know the game, and it's going to be months of really polishing everything up so that we can rock out at medal finals. The other 2 pairs just need some miles, so by mid-season they'll really be set and hopefully will qualify for finals as well.

We were lucky in some respects that the season started with three weekends of back-to-back showing. It's super exhausting to do it this way, but the kids really benefit from the consistent ring time. When we're showing every 3 weeks or so, they tend to forget a little bit about what they're supposed to do when it comes time to horse show. That said, I don't recommend coming down with the flu between week 2 and week 3 if you're taking 10 horses to the week 3 show. Thankfully I can occasionally function lower than 100% since I have Shelly to back me up (and vice versa), but it wasn't a pretty week. The kids made all my suffering worthwhile though, they came home with some serious ribbons in some HUGE classes.

And now we have a weekend off, which I plan to spend about as far out of the barn as one can get. Time for a little Broadway, family time, and old friends (who may or may not be horse people as well. You can take the girl out of the barn, and all that...)

Work is lame. Youtube is fun.

Literally just sitting at my desk until 4:30. No one cares anymore, they're putting up a wall outside my office window so it's loud as crap and nothing on my desk has a due date. Youtube videos are my saviors right now, particularly these:

Because Colin Donnell is pretty:

Because Laura Osnes may be the most worthwhile winner of a reality show that no one ever saw (seriously, only my mother and I watched it, and mostly we just watched to make fun of how bad Andrew Lloyd Weber looks):

And because Lin-Manuel Miranda is a genius:

Luck

One of our long-time clients (who has known me for about 15 years now) looked at me on Saturday, asked about Dundy, and then summed up the last couple weeks with this simple sentence: "Ellen, you have the worst luck."

It's true. Although I have hit the lottery in so many aspects (jobs, friends, family), it would appear that the balance has to be kept by ill/injured ponies (and a non-existent romantic life, but that's a story for a different day).

And as most have probably gathered from my Facebook of late, Dundy has been proving that concept in his own special fashion by needing surgery for an esophageal obstruction. Thanks to his actual owner (aka my boss), our amazing vet, and a top-notch clinic in VA, he is well on his way back to normal. I'm not going to lie to you though, it was a pretty shit-tastic week, as he was walking a pretty thin line between "going to be okay" and "will probably die." I spent the better part of it being of absolutely no help to anyone, as I was pretty much either crying or trying not to cry (not the person you all want in an emergency AT ALL), but thankfully Shelly is amazing in a crisis so she makes up for my level of crazy.

We are now on week 3 post-surgery, and life is slowly returning to normal. We have 6 weeks of rehab (for lack of a better term) and some long-term maintenance issues, but I'm riding him a little and he's feeling well enough to drive us all mental. I had been looking forward to really competing this spring (the day he came home from surgery was the day our entries were to be sent in for our first show), but obviously all those plans are on the back burner. We'll shoot for the fall after the kids' schedule settles down, and hope for a different sort of luck at that point.

Not so wintery winter

I look forward to winter. Not in the sense that I enjoy cold or snow (I hate both), but in the sense that I get a break for at least a few weeks since we don't have an indoor at the farm. Kind of like teachers look forward to summer vacation, I look forward to January and cold weather.

My brain and body needs a vacation in January/February and then again at the end of August. (It won't get the August break this year either since my cousin is getting married over Labor Day. Warning everyone now...) While we have dialed it back a few notches at the farm so that our lesson horses get a vacation, the boarders and active horse show-ers are still at full speed.

And I am tired. Like," I didn't realize how important this break was until I didn't get it and now I'm constantly irritated by everyone and everything and I feel like I'm dialing it in at both jobs" tired.

So this week I will not be at the farm at all, regardless of the fact that it will be in the 60s and sunny. I am giving my brain a brief chance to chill out in the evenings after I get done at the office, catch up on Downton Abbey, and possibly get a few extra hours of sleep. I will clean my apartment, go to the Visionary Arts museum, and maybe break my diet long enough to have a drink with friends.

And of course, I already miss being at the farm. Such is my life.

Teenyboppers on Broadway

We went and saw Darren Criss (from "Glee") in "How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying" on Saturday. When they announced the casting, I convinced my mother to buy tickets right away, which was good, we had fabulous seats on an aisle so my poor 6' father could stretch his legs. (Side note: most of these old theaters were not meant for tall people to attend shows. The worst was the time we saw Finian's Rainbow at the St. James - lots and lots of ridiculously tall Irish people crammed into tiny seats and absolutely no room between rows.)

I clearly misjudged what was going to happen that night. First off, the line wrapped around the block just to get IN. It was crazy enough that people were stopping to ask what was going on. And they didn't open the doors until almost quarter till, so it was a mad rush to get in, use the bathroom, and get to your seat before curtain. The theater was packed with 2 types of people: teenage girls (there for Darren, obviously) and their parents, who were all super excited to see Beau Bridges. When Darren Criss appeared on stage it was like I'd gone back to 2000 and was seeing an NSYNC concert again. Every time he said or did anything remotely funny, the entire theater would go ape-shit. Thankfully my parents and Kate found that almost as amusing as the actual show, so everyone was entertained.

It was pretty much the perfect part for Darren to play, although a couple times I wished he had more of a musical theater-type voice, as he tended to be too quiet in some of the group numbers, especially when there was dancing involved. The real show stealer was Christopher Hanke, who played the "villain." Every single thing he said or did was absolutely spot-on perfect. The only time I ever saw Daniel Radcliffe play the part was on Thanksgiving before the Macy's parade started, so I really didn't have a gauge on how much better or worse things were, and of course everything online is so skewed depending on whether they're a Harry Potter fan or a Glee fan, so it's easier to just take it for what it is in front of you.

I had also intended to go to the stage door, but as everyone can see from the photos I put on Facebook, there was no freaking way that was happening. There was police tape everywhere, and girls were climbing trees in order to get a better view. Absolutely nuts. I think I prefer it when the actors are just "Broadway famous", but it was still a fun night.

Apartment living

So as some of you know, I rent an apartment in a lovely section of town referred to as "Paradise." This might be true in some respects, but my apartment is trying very hard to make things less "paradise" and more "structured learning environment." Since moving in, we've covered the following topics:

1. What gas smells like. Fixing this led me to also learn about shut-off valves, seeing as how my gas line didn't have one. My new stove spent a good few days sitting in the middle of my kitchen (no small feat, it's a galley kitchen on its best days) since apparently Home Depot cannot install a new stove unless there's a shut-off valve.

2. How to patch cracks in the paint. They're everywhere. I'm hoping to paint the entire place this spring. 

3. Which mouse traps work (only the old-school ones where you can see the dead mouse). Also, it's useful to go around and try to fill in every single tiny hole in your apartment walls and cabinets (around the water pipe under the sink appears to be the favorite for the mice in my neighborhood). Also, mice are apparently allergic to peppermint. Not allergic enough to keep them out permanently, but it did deter them for a couple days.

4. How to deal with roaches. Yes, really. Thanks sketchy neighbors! This also taught me interpersonal skills relating to dealing with not only the people downstairs, but also the houses on either side of us who also have bugs. I just set traps out again this week, I think they're coming upstairs to get warm since I'm the only one living in the house right now. Funny how my neighbors were supposed to have an exterminator in months ago...

5. Those little battery-operated lights are quite useful when your neighbors stop paying their BGE bill and their power is shut off. This is only applicable when your front porch and hall lights are attached to their meter. It's so much easier (and safer) to be able to see where your locks are.

That said, I do adore my little apartment. It's cute, (very) cheap, and close to both jobs, which is really all I need. Also, my landlord loves me. Something about how I pay my rent on time makes me the favorite even though I'm high maintenance... ;)

Today I am happy...

1. It's not raining. Finally.

2. I'm going to spend the afternoon finishing up some paperwork and then reading a book (and getting paid for it).

3. Fall TV. Even if my new guilty pleasure has already been cancelled, I'm a little too excited about all the TV I'm going to be watching this year. And yes, I just admitted to watching Playboy Club.

4. I survived coaching at Capital Challenge. Brushes with fame included Frank Madden and Steven Spielberg. Non-horsey types, you should at least get the second name. ;)

5. There's no horse show this weekend, so I have Sunday off.

Going back to number 3, let me introduce to everyone what their January should involve:

SO EXCITED. Christian Borle, Megan Hilty, Brian d'Arcy James (and his eyebrows), Annaleigh Ashford... pardon me while I go have a massive Broadway freakout.

End lame-ish post. I hadn't updated in a while, and I promised my mother I'd stop writing posts that made her cry. Although knowing I watched Playboy Club might still fall under things that would do that.

End of the year

Natalie and Chico

Some people track their year by the calendar.

Some people track their year by school sessions.

Some people track their year by the seasons.

I track mine by the horse show schedule. The year begins December 1 and ends November 30, with the height of the season from April through September when the HCHSA shows are running. Sunday ended the regular shows for us, with a weekend off this week before Medal Finals and the official end of HCHSA for the year.
I live, breathe, eat, and (don't) sleep horse shows for those 6 months. I love hanging out with my kids and their ponies. I love watching them learn something every single time we leave the farm. I love figuring out what we need to work harder on at home, and what we've finally mastered. I love watching them smile their faces off when they get a ribbon, and how well they handle themselves when they don't. I love that they always want to be perfect, but that they understand sometimes we have to settle for the best we can do that day. I love that they love their horses/ponies no matter how perfect or how naughty they were on a given day.

I also love that I have the most fantastic, supportive, and hilarious group of parents to work with, most of whom have no idea how they ended up involved, but who are game for whatever I want to do and can put together a mean lunch spread! (And that my own parents, who no longer have to get up at 4am on Sundays themselves, are willing to dogsit as often as I need them to.)

The next couple weeks will be spent prepping child and pony for their first medal finals, and then we have 3 or 4 weeks before the fall schooling shows start. I plan on doing an excessive amount of sleeping on the weekend, finally finishing Storm of Swords, and possibly even sitting around drinking wine and catching up with all my wonderful friends who understand that I all but disappear from reality during the regular season.

And then shortly it will be time to dig the North Face out of the closet, buy another carton of toe warmers, and dream of April and the start of another year.

Vacation/Staycation

First things first, the top things I learned while driving to the beach (Littlestown, PA to Nags Head, 7+ hours)

1. There are a few hard-and-fast rules regarding radio airplay: (a) there is never normal country music on Sunday nights, just twangy religious stuff, (b) the second you find the awesomest station ever, you will go over a mountain and lose the signal, (c) People play way too much Sting. Like, WAAAAY too much Sting.

2. When in doubt, stop to get gas before you really think you'll need to. Especially if you're alone and it's raining like crazy. As much as you may want to tell yourself that you're fine and you'll wait until it stops raining, it will not stop raining before you run out of gas. (Thankfully, this rule is unbroken in my world.)

3. Washington, DC traffic makes me want to kill someone. Seriously, how do people deal with that traffic day in and day out without going completely postal?

All in all, it wasn't a bad drive down. I left PA around 2:30 (after Ashley freaking ROCKED her first 3'3" medal. I might have cried a little after the show was over since she was heading off to college, but don't tell her that), got to Nags Head just before 10. Spent the next few days baking in the sun (I will never learn that I can't play that game without wanting to die later from the sunburn), learned how to fly a kite, and then was evacuated Thursday morning because of that bitch Irene. We even felt the earthquake, although by "we" I mean, my dad and I. No one else noticed it.

So vacation turned into staycation, which thankfully only involved a loss of Verizon and not the electricity in general. I am heavily into the Game of Thrones books at this point, so I spent a lot of the weekend lying on the couch with the puppy, my Nook, and a glass of wine.

The pony welcomed me home by trotting sound on all 4 legs for the first time in weeks (it was an abscess, but Dundy was fairly certain it was reason for amputation). So I got to ride and teach lessons all day yesterday in the gorgeous weather, and am now safely stuck behind my desk staring out my windows with a pile of subpeonas that need writing up. So back to reality I go!

GLEEEEEEEE

I can't watch 3D movies (or IMAX). I end up with the whole headache/nausea deal, and it tends to linger into the next day. This puts me in a little bit of a tight spot since EVERYTHING is 3D/IMAX these days. Usually there's a "regular" option to the movie as well, so I just force friends to go see that version with me.

Clearly though, someone involved with Glee hates me. They only have the 3D version of their concert/movie deal that's out right now. I didn't end up going to the actual concert because Laura and I decided tickets were too expensive (which they were), so I sucked it up and we went to the movie last night.

First of all, the movie requires you to suspend reality. Go with the idea that this high school glee club went on a world tour, and just ignore the voice in your head going "wait, really?" Also, get over the fact that it's just the kids (and Gwyneth Paltrow as a surprise guest). Don't be like Laura, who kept asking where Sue was the entire movie. The only thing that I found frustrating was that they obviously changed the song order, so people's outfits (and the amount of confetti on the stage) kept changing around bizarrely. Also, Lea Michele disappeared for like half the movie.

That said, it was SO MUCH FUN. Singing was awesome, the dancing was amazing, it was everything one would expect from Glee. Sure, there was some lip synching going on, but whatever. I can't wait to get a copy of it (in not 3D) so I can play it until my neighbors all know all the words as well. ;)

And yes, I feel like crap this morning. I even busted out my linen pants that look/feel like I'm in my pajamas so I could spend the morning curled up on my office couch since my boss is in court. Have I ever mentioned that I have the best job(s) ever?

P.S. Mom, I'm assuming this satisfies your need for me to stop writing things that make you cry?

Crazy animal rights wackos (is that PC enough?)

I'm not going to use my blog as a political soapbox, mostly because when I don't have all the facts, I tend not to want to say anything at all. I started writing about the animal rights activists demonstrating at the American Girl store in NYC this week (which, facts or no, horrifies me on about 10 levels), but don't have the numbers/facts to back up what I'm saying. I know, it's a shocking idea in this day and age to not write about something if you don't know enough to be sure of it, but that's how I roll.

That said, I don't need facts or numbers to say this: PETA, Humane Society of the United States, Friends of Animals.... if you give money to any of these organizations thinking that you're doing something good in honor of your furry friends, think again. They're not interested in long-term animal welfare, they're interested in the big "hot button" issues (like the carriage horses in NYC or hunting in any format), and have no problem traumatizing small children on their way to what they consider to be the right result. I also have yet to find anyone involved with any of these groups who can tell me what would happen to the animals in question if the animal rights groups were able to "liberate" them.

I leave you all with this fabulous statement: "We have no ethical obligation to preserve the different breeds of livestock produced through selective breeding...One generation and out. We have no problem with the extinction of domestic animals. They are creations of human selective breeding." Wayne Pacelle, Senior VP of Humane Society of the US, formerly of Friends of Animals and Fund for Animals, Animal People, May, 1993  (Ah yes, that just screams "wants to do what's best for the animals in question," doesn't it?)

The gray pony thing..

Somewhere along the line, the universe decided my life was not complete unless there was a gray pony in it. Unfortunately for all the gray ponies in my life, they have big shoes to fill.

Not literal big shoes, as Nylar was about the closest thing to an actual pony that a 5'6" teenage girl was going to get. If he was 15.2, it was a really good day for him, and I was forever having to put knots in halters and punch holes in nosebands in order for them to fit his head properly.

But there was never a more perfect first horse. Everyone knows that quote from Corinthians - "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." Nylar was pretty much that definition of love. Except for the delighting in evil part, which he did on a fairly regular basis. Especially if there were dogs around that needed to be given a knockdown. But patient, protecting, keeping no record of wrongs? That was my gray pony to a "T."

He was the first horse I ever showed through an entire season, the first horse I ever took into the 3' ring, the first horse I won a year-end award with. I learned to clip and braid properly on him, and he's the reason I can turn out my current gray horses as well as I do.


We parted ways when I went off to college, he moved on to one of my friends, I moved on to other (not-gray) horses. When he came back into my life 3 years later, it was supposed to be so that my parents, aunt, and I could retire him the way that he deserved. He never did retire though, after a winter of good grain, all the hay he could want, and some careful maintenance of his arthritis, he went back to work full-time. He was the cornerstone of my lesson program when it started in 2003, horse showed until 2006, and was on his way into the barn for a lesson the day that the EPM symptoms appeared in 2009.


And right until the last moment, he was patient and kind (but still delighting in evil). He pushed through for 6 weeks while I said my goodbyes, ground-driving around the farm on his good days and just hanging out in his stall on the bad ones. He had a stall guard instead of a door and would pretend to attack anyone who happened by at the wrong moment. He even took one last gallop the day before the vet came, sans halter and with people chasing after him.


So Dundy, Nobu, and all the other gray ponies in my future, there's what you have to work for. Although, you know, if you wanted to skip the delighting in evil part, we'd probably all be okay with that. ;)

Let's be brief, but with a video!

I only have one thought today: I'm going to Culpeper, VA to horse show on Friday and there is no rain forecasted. This will be the first time in like 10 years that I haven't gone to that place and been knee-deep in mud.

Also, Google+ is my new favorite time waster. This week.

And finally, this. I'd actually gone looking for Anyone Can Whistle videos, but this is way funnier:

The Pony.

Enter the Dundysaurus Rex. Also known as "Dundy," "Dunda-roo" (said in the same fashion as "Figarooooo"), and when we're fancy, "Maybe This Time." The current equine love of my life, who appeared one day in our barn about 3 years ago. I say appeared because Shelly forgot to tell me that there was a new boarder coming in, so I walked in one day and there was this huge freak-show of a horse spinning circles in his stall. It was not love at first sight. I honestly found him annoying, as his stall was located right next to the ring entrance and he'd pin his ears at everyone who went by and enjoyed running his teeth along the wall. The only redeeming qualities were that he was big and grey (I'm a sucker).

The following spring I lost Dunn in a pasture accident, which pretty much sent me into an emotional freakout. I Then Nylar contracted EPM in early June, and I spent 6 weeks on a roller coaster before finally having to make the decision to euthanize him. At that point I was exhausted, an emotional trainwreck, and contemplating life without horses for a while. But I still had to work, so one day that August I was standing next to Shelly watching Madison walk Dundy in circles. And then he picked up a trot and I looked at Shelly and told her that I was booting the kids off him, he was mine. And I will be forever grateful that I had a camera the first time I got to canter him, that video makes me smile every time I see it. (Trotting Dundy, not so fun. Cantering Dundy - best thing EVER)

And so for almost 2 years, he's been mine (the best sort - the farm actually owns him). I have learned to attach my butt to my saddle on the approach to a fence and "ride like a German" so that I don't get launched (Dundy does not suffer fools over fences, or a half-seat position). Dundy has learned that perhaps SOMETIMES he can help a girl out when the distance isn't perfect, even if the jump is big. And we both have mellowed ourselves out emotionally - he still pins his ears at the horses in the barn, but he also hangs his head over the stall door when he hears me talking in the aisle. I've managed to keep breathing every time he comes in a little lame from being too rowdy with his boys in the field, and just roll my eyes when he stresses himself into a frenzy over something.

And now Dundy is teaching me dressage. Which will be documented via photos on Facebook thanks to one of my teenagers and her really nice camera. Once I've sorted it all in my head I'll blog about the struggle to switch from 21 years of hunters into something that passes as not embarrassing at dressage, but right now it's mostly Shelly yelling at me to shorten my reins so it's not particularly entertaining to the non-horsey set.

In honor of Father's Day

Things my father learned to do because of my crazy hobby:

1. Drive a truck and trailer with 2 large horses, neither of whom is particularly interested in standing up properly. Bonus points for knowing how to remove divider in trailer so that particularly fussy horse can be turned around and walked out head-first instead of backing up.

2. Muck a stall. Bonus points for mucking Dunn's stall every day (except when Shelly and Cindy beat him to it) when he was on stall rest and I was recovering from carpal tunnel surgery. Extra bonus points for all the days he didn't go home and change first, and mucked the stall in his shirt and suit pants (usually with tie still on).

3. Tack up a horse. Despite the fact that my dad does in fact know how to ride, he learned how to saddle and bridle long before he started taking lessons. My early instructor was barely 5' tall, and therefore thought nothing of putting her 10 and 11 year old students on horses over 16 hands. Dad learned how to stick his arm up and bring an evading horse's head down in the very early days of my riding career (anyone remember Billy?).

4. Ride a horse. After years of driving the carpool and helping me get ready for lessons, he signed up at a barn closer to our house "just to see what the big deal was." Sadly, after a couple falls and a couple broken bones, I don't think he ever really saw what I did. And then he took up tennis and never sat on a horse again.

5. Proper use of bungee cords, duct tape, and extension cords to set up horse show stalls. Bonus points for knowing what height to hang buckets at in the stalls, and always remembering extra screw-eyes and double-end snaps.

6. Smile when Saturdays and Sundays (including Father's Day, every year) meant heat stroke (literally on one occasion), 16 hour days, and a daughter who probably didn't say thank you as often as she should have!

Hi, I work a lot.

I think I need to start writing down ideas for this thing as they come. I know I thought of at least 3 topics as I was running around this weekend (and an idea for a completely separate blog based solely on stories Mehdi tells me, like how he helped do a c-section on a cow last week), but in the chaos I've forgotten them all.

And chaos would be the appropriate word. I'm flying solo in the office, plus my lesson schedule, which is like 60-70 hours a week right there. Then I decided that despite the fact that I was attending a wedding for one of my longtime barn friends, I should take the teenagers to a horse show on Saturday. Which ended up being a great idea, as the pile of ribbons that came home will attest. And you know, why not bookend the week by hitting a horse show this weekend with my regular quartet of children?

I'm thinking by the end of the summer I'll be like an actress and be in the hospital for exhaustion. Except in my case it won't be a code word for "drugs."

Things they don't teach you.

Every kid in my barn wants to turn pro when they grow up. Far be it for me to tell them they shouldn't, although they have no idea what they're in for. I knew I'd be okay when I decided to go for it because at that point I'd been teaching since junior year of high school. Which is a good thing, since going to college for an equine degree did not prepare me for the reality of working in this industry. Teaching classes, lots of barn time, not at all what you need to know. Here's the reality:

1. Liking horses is not going to make you good at this job. Everyone likes horses (except for a few of my weirdo friends who are afraid of them.) Do you ride well? Can you teach well? Can you deal with overstressed, overscheduled parents who don't understand that although they're paying for a half hour of your time, the child needs to be in the barn for at least an hour if they want to actually RIDE that half hour? Can you deal with children who are angry because they didn't get the pony they wanted to ride, afraid of a jump they cleared beautifully 5 minutes earlier, or insane from the field trip they went on at school and oh by the way had like 12 pixie sticks on the way to the farm?

2. Do you have a degree in adolescent psychology? No? Learn fast. You're dealing with hormones that you will NOT remember from your own teen years, plus adding in the equine brain just for an extra dose of crazy. Ever seen a teenage girl have a meltdown over something that happened 2 weeks prior at school while her horse is in heat and acting like an enormous freak show? It requires a VERY careful hand because someone very well could die, and it might be you if you say the wrong thing.

3. Don't worry about lesson plans. I did lesson plans for the first 6 months I taught. The crazy detailed ones that I was taught to do in college. Then I realized that 90% of the time I ended up changing the plan once I got there and realized that either the child, the horse, or a combination of both plus the wind, moon cycle, and tide changes were going to make that lesson inappropriate that day. Have a baseline for what you'd like to accomplish, but learn to improvise well.

4. This is supposed to be fun. Parents pay you to teach the child how to ride, but if that child isn't having a good time, it's all over. It doesn't matter how burnt out you are, how exhausted the 5 lessons prior made you, whether you're bummed because you were too busy to get your own riding in, you better learn how to suck it up and at least ACT like you're having a good time. I feel like a professional cheerleader in a lot of lessons, but if the kid leaves smiling, it's all good.

So there you go. Take acting, take psychology, go out for cheerleading. Maybe a few business classes, you'll be ahead of most of the industry if you can run a successful, profitable barn. Regardless of what you do, you're going to work harder than you ever thought possible, you're going to learn to love your days off (they happen approximately 4 times a year, or if it thunderstorms, snows, or is above 100 degrees/below 30), and you'll come up with a million other things you should've taken in college besides riding.